Still here...

    The last few months have been a whirlwind. Towards the end of school last year, the Lord laid it on our hearts to start homeschooling. After much prayer and discussion, we decided to make the commitment. Andrew would be starting 2nd grade and Kate would be in kindergarten. After having the summer to purchase curriculum, ask tons of questions to fellow homeschooling moms and plan, plan, plan, I felt ready. We turned part of our basement into a schoolroom and we were all excited. We even started a week early, partly because the kids wanted to and also because it was 105 degrees outside.

    All in all, it's been a great three months. Of course there have been good days, bad days and days where I ask myself, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" But I am already seeing growth in all of us. I see major growth in the relationship of Andrew and Kate. They are truly best friends. And Abby's ability to be more patient is growing (always a work in progress). I also see my relationship with Christ deepening to a new level. The only way I can have a successful homeschool is if I rely on His super natural strength. And it's a minute by minute reliance on Him. On days where I lose my focus, I am impatient, stressed and exhausted. I lose the joy of teaching my children. But when I live out my true priorities, by putting Christ first, everything falls beautifully into place. And as I continue to look for Christ's blessings in every moment, I am overjoyed by His love for me. He knew how homeschooling would challenge me, exhaust me, and some days defeat me, but He also knows that in His arms are the only place that I can find true comfort.

Gifts 257-300

surprise birthday parties

the fact that homeschooling allows me to spend the entire day with Kate on her birthday

#6 shaped pancakes

generosity of family

spark

time alone to reflect

children memorizing His Word

warm apple cider on a cold rainy night

17 deer!

go fish & fig newtons

long hikes

first colors of fall

pumpkins and mums

open windows

birds chirping early

menu plan filled with warm soups for the changing seasons

a brother who plays house and sisters who play cars

sound of wind rustling through the trees

wild sunflowers

apple orchards

homemade by all, hot, apple pie

mini mice

taking the morning slow to start off a long week

warm apple cider on a cold morning

successful speleothem

a hot glass of tea

crepe myrtle fully in bloom

ice

the way she prays

tickle time

a rapidly growing boy who still insists on good night kisses

early morning snuggles

early mornings with just the sound of rain gently falling

Spoken and Paster Pablo

singing her to sleep

littlest's bedtime prayers

steam rising out of a hot cup of tea

Awake My Soul

Mondays

load and loads and loads of laundry

fire glowing in evening light

trees on fire with color

Christmas letters to Blanca

rain

school books scattered over dining room table

"Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

The whole earth is filled with His glory

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.

Psalm 65:8

Gifts 234-256

eating strawberries straight from the garden

perseverance

golden fields of wheat 

campfires and s'mores

getting caught in a downpour

a boy who could fish for hours

holding her hand through the storm

skipping rocks contest

hiking off path

waking to the sound of birds chirping

blooms covering the garden

watching her sleep

huge improvements

watching his confidence grow

overcast rainy days perfect for a nap

safety through the storms

sunset on the lake

sleeping with one girl in each arm

an amazing father for my babies

discussions about the future

children laughing

being able to help lighten his load

children all drawing pictures for Blanca

May's List

As I continue to count all of God's marvelous gifts, I am realizing that if I don't write them down, they are so easily forgotten. Counting has become a habit, though my list is short because I fail to put pen to paper. I am determined to become better at recording His gifts because I want to remember how greatly I have been blessed. 

Gifts 223-233

that she 'loves the Holy Spirit who lives inside her'

oldest voluntarily reading!

wonderful dinner on the patio

making a plan and sticking to it

her bright smile brought forth with quality time

the softness of her skin

watermelon and corn...signs that summer is coming

sleeping in

our youngest turning THREE!

Parenting as a Ministry

 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:11

Blessings

"What if our troubles are directly from God's hand to help rid us of the idolatry of self-reliance?"

This morning I heard this quote on the radio. It spoke straight to my heart. Last night was a pretty much sleepless night. My husband is out of town and I never sleep well without him here. I woke up this morning exhausted and with a pounding headache...and three little ones to care for. And it's days like this where all I can do is pray to God to just get us through the day. I know I can't do it on my own. I know no matter how bad I want to, I can't go just go back to bed. I have to be here. I have a job to do that doesn't allow sick days. So I fall on my knees and pray to my Savior to give me strength. That is why this quote has really stuck with me today. Knowing that God is working on me, through the joys and the trials, let's me sigh relief. I want more than anything to be closer to Jesus, and if this is a way that He is drawing me in, I am joyful. It's all about the lens by which my circumstances are viewed. I'm beginning to have greater understanding of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

God has our ultimate good in His hands. And being able to realize that, helps me be joyful and thankful, at all times, in all circumstances.

This song has really impacted me lately. I just love the lyrics.

Psalm 105:1-5

"Oh, give thanks to the LORD!

Call upon His name;

Make known His deeds among the peoples!

Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him;

Talk of all His wondrous works!

Glory in His holy name'

Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!

Seek the LORD and His strength;

Seek His face evermore!

Remember His marvelous works which He has done."

Finding Contentment

As I continue to work on the habit of gratitude, I am seeing how central it is to my walk. Everything really does come back to giving thanks to God. At church on Easter morning one of the pastor's main points was, when we are focused on self and the stuff that we don't have, we miss God working in our lives.  I don't want to ever overlook God's hand in my life. But it's so easy to become consumed with wanting to keep up with others. I struggle. Some days it seems like everyone else has a nicer car, house, clothes, etc. And then I begin to overlook, even disregard, all the blessings that have been so graciously given to me directly from His hand. 

This past week God taught me a lesson in this area. I was struggling with wanting a newer car. Josh and I crunched some numbers we didn't see a new car payment fitting into our budget. I was feeling frustrated and sorry for myself. How did everyone else afford new cars? Why was our budget so tight? And then, during a trip to Sonic, it hit me. A really old, beat up car pulled up next to me. It had a 30 day tag on it. That car is all the driver could afford. They spent their hard earned dollars and were most likely really thankful to have transportation, no matter what it looked liked. 

I was really struck at how ungrateful I had been. I started to think about our two sponsored children in Guatemala and the Dominican Republic. They are thankful just to have food. I recalled an article I had recently read that talked about how America is the only country where having two (or more) cars is normal. Most families in the world are blessed to even have one car. It was eye opening. How quickly I can change from a person trying to focus on each and every blessing to a person telling God His blessings aren't good enough. Isn't that what it all comes down to. 'God, what you have given me isn't what I want, I want more...better...different.' 

A quote I heard on K-love sums it all up. "Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have." And with that I continue to count His gifts and try to live a life of indebted gratitude to Him. 

Gifts 206-222

brownie covered faces
mimi-memi-mymi-mo 

laughing hard with my best friend

a husband who sends me away to Starbucks to relax

the privilege of spending my days with little princesses

watching butterflies emerge from their cocoons

an evening game of croquet

singing and dancing in the kitchen to Abby's favorite song

trusting in Jehovah Jireh

Resurrection Eggs

Isaiah 55:10-11

watching the youngest inhale M&M's

rubbing her back until she drifts off to sleep

excitement for a girls shopping trip
day in KC with just my hubby, picking out curriculum

delicious lunch at a fun restaurant

learning true contentment

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

         Matthew 6:25-26

Encouragement

This year I am studying the book of Isaiah in BSF. It has been such a great study on a book that I have always just passed over, thinking it would be too difficult to understand. Another misconception about Isaiah is that it was mostly prophecy and it wouldn't be applicable to my daily life. I was SO wrong. Every week after study I walk away with a convicted heart. This week was no different. The lecture was on Isaiah 54-57. 


Here are the verses that really encouraged me...


"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is My Word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."


These are verses that I know, but today I saw them in a different light. Let me explain...


Lately we have been trying to have an evening devotion time as a family. At the beginning of the year we decided to read through the Bible in a year. It started out after dinner and then moved to right before bed, after Abby had been put to bed...she just wouldn't sit still. It seemed like every night there was so much resistance to this opening of God's word. Either a child would be grumpy, we would be exhausted, we were going to bed late. We pushed forward, knowing that Satan would want us to stop. But then it seemed like our kids were getting NOTHING out of this time. We were reading from a children's Bible with applicable questions at the end. Rarely were the right answers given and we felt like we were constantly having to say, "Listen...Sit Still...Leave your sister alone". It became frustrating for all of us. We were exhausted and felt like nothing was being accomplished. And sad to say it's probably been 3 weeks since we even attempted a devotional time. 


 That's why these verses struck me. God is the ONLY one who can work in our hearts. It's not my job to change their hearts. I am called to deliver the Word. (Deuteronomy 6:4-5) God does the rest. Why do I take Him out of the equation? Why do I think that I have to do it all? It is His Word and He will accomplish what He desires. I can smile at squirmy kids and having to explain everything over again (and again). God's word will not return void.  What may seem empty now, God will make full. 


So with renewed focus we will be starting family devotions again. And there is peace in knowing that if I do my part, God promises to do the rest. 

Wonderful Weekend

This weekend might have been just perfect. It was three days long, thanks to my husband's awesome work schedule, and we spent most of it outside. Finally the cold weather subsided and warm temperatures were here! Friday was spent painting furniture, taking Kate to her best friend Katharine's house for her first away from home sleepover (she was SUPER excited!), and spending the evening watching Star Wars with just Andrew. Saturday the weather was perfect...75 degrees with glorious sunshine! We started the morning at our favorite doughnut shop, then headed outside to soak up the sun. We packed a picnic lunch and went to Iliff Commons. This is the first year that Abby is old enough to keep up on the nature trails. We hiked for over 2 hours, and while she had to stop and rest, she made it the whole way! Saturday concluded with family over for dinner and a great church service. Sunday morning Josh made waffles (!!) and the rest of the day included fishing, playing at the park, feeding the geese, blowing bubbles, and a crazy windstorm.

Throughout the weekend His gifts continually popped into my head. It still amazes me that when I slow and see the good in all things, I am filled with joy and can't stop being thankful for how He has blessed me. Here are a few gifts from this weekend.

Gifts 193-205

 old furniture made new

first away from home sleepover

special movie time with the oldest

Saturday morning doughnuts

long hikes with wrong turns

perfectly blue skies

whipped cream topped waffles

oldest fishing

the sound of rain

worship songs that speak straight to my heart

making it all work

the simple pleasure of bubbles

a game of horseshoes

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

The Cost of Hurry

"Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing...Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out that I was throwing it away." Mark Buchanan

This quote is so convicting. With 3 little ones, I feel like I'm constantly saying, "hurry up...walk faster...let's go". Time is the one thing we all have the same amount of. It can't be bought or stored up. But it can be wasted. And who would of thought that the quickest way to waste time would be to rush through life? Each moment in our life is a gift. Each breath. And while we can't make more hours in the day, we can slow time.

"And this is the way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment."     One Thousands Gifts, pg. 68

And one way that has changed me from a rushing fool to a slower of time is by counting His gifts. When I give each moment my full attention and look for God's next blessing, I am able to slow time. The way to slow time is to slow down. Something that is not the American way. There is the constant pressure that says the more I am doing the more successful I will be. And this isn't just in the corporate world, this belief is rampant in the church...especially for women. Just because I stay at home with my children, it feels like I'm not doing enough unless I'm involved in Bible study, mom's groups, volunteering in the children's program, being the room mother, and so much more. All of these opportunities are good, some very good. And they are all so hard to say no to. Last year I said yes to all of them....and I learned first hand how all the hurry and rushing can only lead to broken and missed moments. This year I promised myself to look at each commitment through the only guide we have been given to get through this life. This is what I found.

"We are merely moving shadows, and all of our busy rushing ends in nothing." Psalm 39:6 (NLT)

I had to make some hard decisions and say no to some great opportunities, but it has been worth it. I've realized how being at home during the day gives me so much more time to manage this wonderful household that God has blessed me with. And when the time I have is not spent rushing, it is invested more fully into what I have made priorities. It brings to mind the saying, 'It is better to do a few things well than many things poorly'.

So as I continue to learn the art of slowing time, I continue to count His gifts and give Him thanks. And as I do this I feel the pressure of the world lessen.

Gifts 174-192

windows open

flowers in bloom

strawberries, blueberries and pineapple

all three snuggled up on the couch

sucess for the oldest

God paving the way

knowing that He is preparing my heart

sanctification

wisdom from friends

homemade headlights

sisters sleeping together

youngest air guitaring

her sweet kisses

chore chart sucess

running water

trash mountain project & kids with a hope

quiet mornings

the priveledge of being called Mama

that my children have never known true hunger and the ablility to pass that blessing on to two other precious children

Overcoming

'For what I am doing I do not understand. For what I will to do, I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. It is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from death? I thank God-through Jesus Christ our Lord. '

Romans 7:15, 17-18, 24-25

This verse describes my week I am feeling the same frustration as Paul. I want to slow and count His gifts, yet I still find myself rushing through the gift of today. I need to rise early and spend time alone with my Savior, but my hand finds the snooze button time and time again. I vow to be a speaker of strong words only to find, in a matter of minutes, my words have torn these walls down.

In 1 Corinthians 9:27, Paul talks about overcoming the flesh, 'I beat my body and make it my slave.'  Without God the flesh will win every time. Even with God our fallen human bodies are bent towards sin. So this week I am working on beating my flesh. Giving God the control. There is a Mighty God living in me through whom all is possible. I will rely on Him to slow and see. His strength to say no to more sleep and yes to time with Him. And His ultimate grace and patience will be the lens for which I see my precious blessings.

I know that I will continue to struggle.  No one can be ever be good enough. All have sinned, we are all wretched. And that is why this last verse if the most important.
'Who will deliver me from death? I thank God-through Jesus Christ our Lord. "

Gifts 164-173

oldest teaching youngest her colors

confirmation

planning excitement

the way she talks

love topeka

God's provision

spring forward...more daylight!

buds on the trees

God's relentless grace

He is here!

A Simple List...

Gifts 144-163

getting to kiss boo boos and make them all better

little one helping in the kitchen asking to taste everything

sunshine!

special time with Kate

whoosh!

long hugs and belly button kisses

advice from another mom over coffee

white haired woman worshipping God with hands raised

learning from those who are wiser

a church that preaches the Truth

anticipation

growth

worshipping Him as a family

perfect ending to a perfect day

daughters reading together

father/son bonding time

laughing with Kate

surprise frozen hot cocoa and chocolate covered faces

quietly laying next to him waiting for him to open up...and he does

seeing the growth and maturity of the oldest

I will give thanks to the LORD because of His righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.
Psalm 7:17

Still Learning...

"The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live. He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything."      

John Piper

As I look back over this last week, I realize how important it is (at least for me) to consistently count His gifts. Mid week I became lazy with this practice and there was a huge change in my countenance. I was less patient with my kids, I let stress and worry fill my thoughts, and I was choosing my 'to-do' list over building the relationships under this roof. Ann explains in her book how this counting of gifts is a learned habit. Paul talks of this in Philippians 4:11-12,

'I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.'

Seeing His gifts in every situation, whether good or bad, stressful or care-free, painful or happy, is a learned skill. I am definitely still learning. Later on in the week as I was able to turn my eyes back towards thanksgiving, continuing to write down His gifts, there was a shift in my heart. Worry was replaced with peace, impatience replaced with kindness and I was able to stop and focus on what truly matters most.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

Robert Brault

Gifts 128-143

learning to love him...quirks and all

pancakes and macaroni and cheese for lunch..a 5 year old's request

a decision made and the peace that has replaced the worry

a husband who encourages me and understands when I've had a bad day

slowing time by jumping with the girls on the trampoline regardless of what the house looks like

learning to parent with more grace

a hour to sit and read with only the sound of rain falling outside

thundersnow

the beauty of icicles

watching her enjoy a chocolate ice cream cone

the excitement in her eyes

a husband who can fix anything

a family of snowmen

hot cocoa by the fire

watching thunderstorms roll through from the front porch

a husband adding his own gifts from God on the list

"Now, our God, we give You thanks, and praise Your glorious name."

1 Chronicles 29:13

A Reminder to Be Here...

This week I've been feeling God's gentle reminder of how precious and fragile life is. Whether it's a friend diagnosed with breast cancer, a baby back in the hospital facing yet another surgery, or this post, I am having this constant tug at my heart to be thankful for each moment and to be present in each moment. Focusing on the next 'fun' item on the calendar or even just hoping for the day to be done so I can relax, is a way of missing His gifts. Life can become so mundane when everyday is filled with the same...cleaning, laundry and cooking, but I am working on consciously being here in every moment to see all of God's gifts. Here are His gifts from this week.

Gifts 106-127

listening to birds chirp as the sun rises

sharing His gifts with others

special candlelight valentine's dinner with the whole family

reading about the flag and watching him carefully hang it up with pride

early morning fog

having to give it completely to God and follow His lead

helping teach young ones about God's Holy Word

singing praises to Him with the girls

trying to memorize her cheeks and golden waves

a super sock matcher

beautiful weather

growing friendships

windows open and the refreshing smell of spring

getting to play outside after school

no more diapers or gates and a big girl carseat...she is growing up and my heart aches

full moon through the telescope

God's reminder that life is a precious and fragile gift...every minute is to be lived fully

littlest one singing along to K-love

three sleeping bags all in a row for movie night

watching her fall asleep

am amazing father for my babies

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 Corinthians 9:15

Continuing to Count

This week, as I continue to count, I realize how this new habit is really changing me. There is more joy in each day. I am more aware of the blessings each moment holds, and I am constantly looking for His next gift. There is amazing fulfillment looking for the beautiful in every situation.

I am even seeing how a life of gratitude can be contagious. I can see in my husband's eyes that he is living in each moment and looking for the good. My daughter is learning to pray thanks to God, instead of just asking for more. I pray God will continue to open all of our hearts to Him and that counting His gifts will become a habit that will never leave.

Gifts 86-105

cleaning while talking about God's truth

a helpful child

oldest daughter singing 'Hosanna'

children playing nicely while I get ready for company

a stocked freezer

first sleepovers

new pictures

 husband's schedule 

her laugh

paper airplane tutorials

homemade ice cream

singing valentines

little boys talking late into the night

  a child's precious prayers

downtime

 early morning snuggles with my girls

glorious sunshine

special valentines

 trip to the zoo to marvel at our creative God

brother holding baby sister's hand

quiet time to reflect

a baby at home

special delivery!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

Starting to Count His Gifts

I have been reading Ann Voskamp's Book One Thousand Gifts. The book is a dare to start looking for and recording the gifts that God daily gives, all the way to one thousand (and beyond!).  God's hand is in every moment of everyday. He loves us and cares about each moment of life we are given.

Ann talks about how Adam and Eve's inital sin in the garden was ingratitude. What God had given wasn't enough. When we spend our days wanting more, we will never be satisfied with what God has so graciously blessed us with. We miss the blessings.

It's all about our perspective. I am trying to see every moment as the gift that it is, even the hard ones. Romans 8: 28 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'  Some days might be difficult, but God's hand is always there...somewhere. You just have to look for it. And it might be a long ways down the road of life before you see God purpose, but He is always there.

So here I am recording the gifts that God has given me in the last month. I feel such joy in my heart as I look for God in all situations. He is here and He is good!

Gifts 1 - 85

overflow worship

2 hour nap!

answered prayer for renewal of energy

being content at home

snow day!

Colossians in a year

warm soup and homemade bread on a blistery night

warmth

morning laughter

cancelled activities

a garage

brokenness

asking for prayer

a child's forgiving heart

sprouts!

laundry done

antibiotics

girl time

redbox for roadtrips

hot rolls

safe travel

my own bed

grocery shopping alone

homemade bread

big brother asking littlest sister to play

fever gone

level 3

trusting in God's purpose

the stillness of falling snow

intentionally stopping to pray

health insurance

medicine

clairity

lengthy discussions

snuggles with sick babies

basketball games

family games

drinking coffee while snow gently falls

wrestling in bed

Sunday afternoon quiet times for all

menu planned

groceries bought

grace

naps for all

Famous Kansans

special lunch

well behaved 2 year old

PDO

friendship

new life

snowballs

girls night

60 degrees!

dinner out

church

successful surgeries

memorizing His Word

healthy kids

more snow

snow days for ALL!

melted snowball delivered

a husband who does it all while I'm sick

ice cream when its 12 degrees

new washer and dryer...unexpected generosity

potty training...successes and failures

a big sister with a serving heart

a husband's commitment to provide

a husband who does the nightly duties...EVERY night

HE STOLE THE BALL!

Valentine's cookies

a child's creativity

still getting to cut up bites

managers specials

'Pee Pee Mama' and actually being close to a restroom

no TV all day

early naps for all and the grace to restart the day with re-focused eyes

washing away the grime

success for a surprise

fresh baked bread

no TV. day 2, and the mess of toys as a result

little hands setting the table

being able to help a friend

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18